Flash Fiction "Peephole"

Peephole

James didn’t believe he deserved any of the things in his apartment. The big screen TV sitting on the solid oak entertainment center was a constant reminder of how he didn’t deserve to be alive. His chest moving up and down was a constant reminder. He didn’t deserve to be alive after what he had done. Not after the screeching tires broken glass, blood, and the screams. Oh god the screams. The screams woke him up at night.

Everyone told him it wasn’t his fault, even his parents. But every time he looked into their eyes he saw how they felt. It was there. The place behind their eyes, as obvious as a blinking light. “You killed her.” It said. “You killed our baby girl, you killed your sister.” Non of the late night crying sessions with his mother, or the reassuring pats on the back from his father made the blinking light go away.

Sara never wanted to wear her seat belt. James never made her. She was 20 years old and an adult, at least on paper. Gone were the days of being big brother. He wished he had endured the eye roll and made her wear the damn thing. He relived that moment backing out of the drive way every day for the last 2 years, going over every detail, the sun setting, his sisters hair blowing across her face, the flash of the truck bumper, the screams, and then silence. He couldn’t relive that moment anymore, and he wasn’t going to. The gun he purchased a day ago would remedy that. One bullet and things would be set right. One pull of the trigger and the agonizing guilt would be laid low like the bad guy in a spaghetti western.

The gun sat like a brick in the palm of his hand as he raised it to his temple. He felt a lightness come over him. In two years he hadn’t felt this good. This is right, he thought.

He almost pulled the trigger when he heard the knock at the door. The suddenness of the rap left him confused for a second and made him think the gun had gone off and ended his miserable life. He looked around the room, and everything was as it was. James got up from the couch and walked like a zombie to the door. He leaned his head against the hard wood, exhausted by just a few feet. He contemplated going back to the couch and getting on with it.

The door vibrated against his head as he leaned. His desperate feeling turning to anger. He looked through the peephole. The image on the other side of the door wavered as James’ eye adjusted finally focusing on a face he had not seen in 2 years. His sisters face looked perfect. Beautiful like he always remembered. He sighed and opened the door, not glancing back at the physical deed done. Not looking at the wreckage that laid on the couch clutching cool hard steel.

10 reasons to turn off your TV

1) Your life is clicking by you one second at a time. Those goals you had yesterday are still rattling around in your head today. You tell yourself all you need is time. Your missing time with your kids, friends, and loved ones and you still tell yourself you wish you had more time. You do. TURN OFF YOUR TV.

2) TV has always been a way to control the hearts and minds of the masses. The powers that be are using you. They look at you as a mindless consumer/voter/taxpayer. You watch your "Programs" while they program you. TURN OFF YOUR TV.

3) Life is about experiencing it. Your life. Not the lives of mindless idiots who air their dirty laundry for everyone to see, and who you feel you relate to. Lets hope you don't. TURN OFF YOUR TV.

4) The news is not informative, and it is not news. It is entertainment, it has always been entertainment, and it is fear based. The news would have you believe that everyone is out to get you, your family, your things, and your freedom... But the reality is the great majority of people are just like you. How could they not be like you! They have TV's and they are feed the same bullshit you are feed everyday. Most people want a little bit of peace and happiness. TURN OFF YOUR TV.

5) Commercials are designed to hit on your emotion centers, and are fear based as well. Buy this crap and you'll be beautiful! Purchase this car and you'll be just like the Jones. You want to be like the Jones don't you? What they don't tell you is that the Jones don't exist and if they did, you would hear about how Mr and Mrs Jones got into a fight and are getting a divorce, and little Bobby Jones is crying himself to sleep at night. There is no competition between you or anyone. And if you think there is... You watch to much TV. TURN OFF YOUR TV. 

6) You were not put on this planet to mindless stare at a box with moving pictures. Consuming and competing with the people around you. But TV tells you to drink the soda/beer, Cheer for this team, or hey did you hear who won on that dancing, or singing show (art is not a competition by the way). Your life is ticking by my friends. Turn the game off and actually throw the football with your kids. In the spirit of camaraderie, and physical fitness. But do it mainly just to spend time with the people you love. TURN OFF YOUR TV.

7) You learn very little from watching other people do things. You have to experience things up close and personal while doing them with an open mind. If you want to know how to live off the land, you have to be taught in person while you are doing it. You will not learn how to do that by watching a marathon of Survivor Man Reruns. TURN OFF YOUR TV.

8) "Well I watch TLC, or the History channel." Wanna know how screwed TV is? To actually watch quality shows on those two channels you have to pay for the premium TLC, and History channel. The regular old TLC plays Honey Boo Boo these days. TURN OFF YOUR TV.

9) TV lowers your attention span so much that the average person cannot stay focused for one damn minute these days. And it isn't good for your kids. Little Jimmy is not doing horrible in school because he is a genius and hes bored. Hes doing horrible in school because he watches to much TV (and plays to many damn video games, but that's a whole other blog post) and has the attention span of a jack rabbit on crack! Do little Jimmy a favor, have him go outside and use his imagination. Or god forbid you could have him read a book! TURN OFF YOUR TV.

10) Leaving the TV on when you sleep can alter your dreams! You're not only effected by it when you are awake, but when your sleeping! TV was made to program you into a subservient, tax paying slave. It was made so you don't question, and think for yourself. It was made so you wouldn't see the infinite power and intelligence you hold inside of you just waiting to get out. TURN OFF YOUR TV.

The seconds are clicking by in your life. On average most Americans watch four hours of television a day. 4 hours X 365 = 1460 hours a year. That is roughly 60 days of your life you are devoting to people who tell you what to consume into your body, what to wear, how to act, how to talk, your moral compass etc... Do you not think that the powers that be would take advantage of that?

Think of all the things you could do with that time... You could change your life.

You can find Ernie here on Twitter

or here on Facebook

or here on his author page on Amazon

or here on Goodreads

Ernie's short story "A world Without" is free on Amazon for a short time. Get it here A World Without

A World Without

My short story "A World Without is free on Amazon from now until August 18, 2014.

You can get it for free here for a limited time, or just click the image 

Kindle unlimited lets you read my short for free!

Get KU and read free A World without: A short story (NorWorl... Reply w/ #AmazonCart for a free sample http://t.co/rkJz5IQbTi via @amazon -- Ernie Howard (@jamulbooks)

Bad Religion - God Song [Lyrics]

Domestic Twilight Zone

I am obsessed with the old Twilight Zone episodes. One of my favorites is "The Parallel." If you haven't seen it  I suggest you do. The story is about an astronaut orbiting the earth whose communication systems stop functioning and he blacks out. he wakes up back on earth with no memory on how he got there. When he finally meets back up with his family everything is the same,  just with subtle differences. I won't tell you the ending.

A month ago I was looking at my 15 month old baby boy. I watched him play with his new plastic truck as he squealed with joy. My eyes went from him to my wife, and back.  I had been blessed with such happiness that I could not believe I deserved. This little piece of the big world was mine. This is my reality and believe me I cherish and would guard it with my life if I had too.

After a while of letting the joy I felt in that moment wash over me, dark thoughts started to creep. The darkest one being what would I do if I lost my family, or if something within my life were to drastically change. This is a normal thing for me because I started watching the Twilight zone at age 8, and started reading Stephen King novels at age 13.

I started thinking  what it would be like to come home to an empty house. The routine of my life gone and never to return... It gave me a stomach ache just to think about it. Don't get me wrong. I love silence and being by myself every once in a while, but to never walk through the door and hear my sons squeals of laughter, or feel my wife's hands around me ever again... Just writing about it makes me shudder.

So to be exercising the demons so to speak, I wrote a story of a husband and wife. It was amazing how fast it came out of my over active, and somewhat demented brain. The short story is called "A World Without." It is short and sweet, I didn't want to stay in that world for too long. I hope you enjoy it. Click the book cover below to purchase  it on Amazon Kindle.

"At NorWorld, we prolong life through A.I. We take away the suffering with technology."

Right Now

How many times a day do you tell yourself something isn't possible? Or that dream you have always wanted to fulfill you can start tomorrow? I used to do that a lot. Everyday I would fill my mind with images of the future, and all the cool things I was going to do, or on bad days... Well I am sure you know what those images were like. My mind was either worrying about the future, or living in the past, and totally oblivious to the only reality that you, and I will ever have, RIGHT NOW!

The only time we have in our lives is this present, and perfect moment that is happening right now. That breath you just took, that sip of coffee, that movement of your hand, is all you will ever have. The past is gone, and the future will never be here. Now is all we have. I know you have probably heard that expression before, and you're saying to yourself that you know, but have you ever really thought about it? Right now is all we have. Right now is all there ever was, and all that will be. When we think about what we should have done, or what we want to do, we are losing that moment to actually do something now!

The best time to start your dream, help someone, get into a better relationship, lose weight, spend more time with your kids, or just be happy is right now. A week from now hasn't happened, it will always be a week from now. Your reality is clicking by as you read this, go make your perfect life happen. I'd wish you luck, but you don't need it.

Websites of note

Transpyre

Realm & sands

erniehowardwrites.com

List of inspirational books, and videos

The Universe Doesn't Give a Flying Fuck About You, by Johnny B. Truant THIS BOOK IS FREE ON AMAZON

The power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle

E-squared, by Pam Grout

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dS_sPnfzks

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B2SCZKM

Be still, Be calm, And find what you are looking for.

Remember when you were little and your parents would play the game called let's see how silent we can be. Well at least mine did, I was a loud little kid who was always getting into things. Anyway, you would play along for a little while but eventually you would feel like you were going to burst, and the silence would be broken sending you running around the house like your hair was on fire. You had so much curiosity and energy for finding new things that you just couldn't help yourself. This was a good time. Being silent, and calm did not do you much good when you were little, you had nothing to worry about. And if you think about it, you really have nothing to worry about now. Everything you think you should worry about, or "get done" has nothing to do with you. It has to do with everyone else. Being still didn't do anything for you when you were little, but it can do great things for you now.

Have you ever tried to sit still as an adult? And I mean really sit still. Put yourself in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and your mouth and sit for a few minutes, with no distractions, not moving a muscle, all while being fully awake and aware. Most people would say "Oh Ernie you have no idea, that is all I want. Just being able to sit still for a few minutes a day." But what I would say to most people is you can't do it. Go ahead and try. Try to do it for 5 minutes. Empty your mind and sit still. I will wait...

How did it go? Most people can't do it. We can't do it because being still is something you need to practice at.

It's not easy, but it is essential in our daily lives to slow everything down to... a... stand... STILL.

That is a problem that most people have in this age. We are all a bunch of Facebook posting, smart phone using, crazy people twittering ourselves into madness. Never realizing that doing nothing for a few minutes can keep us centered, and more in tune with who and what we really are, and that is humans having this beautiful experience we call life. When is the last time you thought of all that blood running through your veins, or actually thought about... well your thoughts? Why did you think of something? Where did it come from? Why am I even thinking at all? Am I thinking the same thing over, and over again day in, and day out?

Empty your mind, sit still, close your eyes, and breath for just a minute.

Did you feel that? That's you! That's the universe! That is everything that ever was and will ever be! That is the secret of life! That you are a miraculous thing!  You shape your life, and the lives of people around you, just by what you think! Be still... It's amazing what listening to the things around you, and hearing, and feeling your own breath rolling over your lips, and tongue can do for your mental health... You are ALIVE! You are a walking, talking miracle... You have all the tools you need inside of you for happiness and peace, and for the happiness and the peace of others.

Sit still, be calm, and listen to your body.

I would wish you luck, but you don't need it.